Petiteoiseau

25 years old. Living in contemporary Washington, caught literally and figuratively in L'enfants dream.



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I wanted to give myself a buffer zone between the flurry of New Years resolution blog posts. I wanted mine to mean something and not get lost among the fringe. I wanted to really think about the past year and the upcoming year before I put myself to work in writing down my feelings. I made a list of my top 10 things of the year. Some serious ones: Sasquatch, gay rights, homemade pizza; some funny ones: Marcel the shell with shoes on, Rebecca Black; and then the one that really matters. The one thing that made 2011 better than all the other years that preceded it and in turn will change all those that come after it; I fell in love. Not only that, she loved me back. It happened quick. I didn’t see it coming. Isn’t that how we always heard it would happen to us. “Once you aren’t looking”. Not only was I not looking, I was nowhere near ready for what was about to happen to me. A leap of faith in myself, was all I needed. It wasn’t about her, or the ex, or the ex before that, or my friends and family. It was about me. I needed the capacity to move beyond it. I spent the entirety of the 8 years I dated making excuses for why things didn’t work. Too short, too tall. Not funny. Doesn’t like music. I was able to poke holes in every theory that came my way. Then I stopped making excuses for my actions and for those around me, and I stopped accepting apologies that came too late or never came at all or were delivered mornings after so many times that they began to dilute themselves. I decided that Monday morning that I wasn’t going to settle anymore for 2nd or 3rd or 4th best. I was going to find someone who fit all of my emotional and physical needs and until then I’d work on my tan. Well the tan never came, but the girl of my dreams did. Two short days later. We spent the majority of Sunday morning in bed telling each other secrets that we’ve told each other 1,000 times. What I wouldn’t give to relive that night. The night I walked up to the door and spotted that little ginger ogling my goodies from across the room. I don’t believe in fate but I have to believe that things sometimes happen; in the perfect circadian rhythm that the world gives you an opportunity for greatness. Fate assumes that things will just work out. Reality has proven to me that we are given small glimmering openings to turn things around for ourselves. These breaks in the continuum aren’t to be taken lightly. If you encounter one of these know that it means it’s time to be brave. Surprise yourself. Learn something new, set a goal that’s too high, convince yourself to talk to the person at the bar who’s out of your league, because you never know she could just turn out to be the love of your life. I got a Christmas card from one of my best friends a few weeks ago. All it said was, “Remember last Christmas. Who knew that just a year could change so much.” There’s so much truth to that, and I’m so glad that on that Wednesday night that rhythm was my chance to make things happen for me. So what are my resolutions moving forward? I have a few. I’ve given up the standby copout resolution that I’ve had for 10 years because guess what I quit smoking on my own. I think I want to try harder at work. I want to wake up excited about the day because things could be worse and I have a good job that pays the bills and more and when I roll over I look at the most beautiful girl in the world. I also want to take control of my career. I am no longer making excuses for why I haven’t done what I always said I was going to do out of grad school. I want to learn Dutch. I want to be able to get by communicating with her family and I want to intercept conversations and tidbits between her and her mom because just maybe sometimes they may be about me. Last but certainly not least and in fact maybe the most important: I want to make sure that every day I tell her how much she means to me, and just how lucky I feel to be with her. Happy New Years every one. Make 2012 the best yet.

I wanted to give myself a buffer zone between the flurry of New Years resolution blog posts. I wanted mine to mean something and not get lost among the fringe. I wanted to really think about the past year and the upcoming year before I put myself to work in writing down my feelings. I made a list of my top 10 things of the year. Some serious ones: Sasquatch, gay rights, homemade pizza; some funny ones: Marcel the shell with shoes on, Rebecca Black; and then the one that really matters. The one thing that made 2011 better than all the other years that preceded it and in turn will change all those that come after it; I fell in love. Not only that, she loved me back. It happened quick. I didn’t see it coming. Isn’t that how we always heard it would happen to us. “Once you aren’t looking”. Not only was I not looking, I was nowhere near ready for what was about to happen to me. A leap of faith in myself, was all I needed. It wasn’t about her, or the ex, or the ex before that, or my friends and family. It was about me. I needed the capacity to move beyond it. I spent the entirety of the 8 years I dated making excuses for why things didn’t work. Too short, too tall. Not funny. Doesn’t like music. I was able to poke holes in every theory that came my way. Then I stopped making excuses for my actions and for those around me, and I stopped accepting apologies that came too late or never came at all or were delivered mornings after so many times that they began to dilute themselves. I decided that Monday morning that I wasn’t going to settle anymore for 2nd or 3rd or 4th best. I was going to find someone who fit all of my emotional and physical needs and until then I’d work on my tan. Well the tan never came, but the girl of my dreams did. Two short days later. We spent the majority of Sunday morning in bed telling each other secrets that we’ve told each other 1,000 times. What I wouldn’t give to relive that night. The night I walked up to the door and spotted that little ginger ogling my goodies from across the room. I don’t believe in fate but I have to believe that things sometimes happen; in the perfect circadian rhythm that the world gives you an opportunity for greatness. Fate assumes that things will just work out. Reality has proven to me that we are given small glimmering openings to turn things around for ourselves. These breaks in the continuum aren’t to be taken lightly. If you encounter one of these know that it means it’s time to be brave. Surprise yourself. Learn something new, set a goal that’s too high, convince yourself to talk to the person at the bar who’s out of your league, because you never know she could just turn out to be the love of your life. I got a Christmas card from one of my best friends a few weeks ago. All it said was, “Remember last Christmas. Who knew that just a year could change so much.” There’s so much truth to that, and I’m so glad that on that Wednesday night that rhythm was my chance to make things happen for me. So what are my resolutions moving forward? I have a few. I’ve given up the standby copout resolution that I’ve had for 10 years because guess what I quit smoking on my own. I think I want to try harder at work. I want to wake up excited about the day because things could be worse and I have a good job that pays the bills and more and when I roll over I look at the most beautiful girl in the world. I also want to take control of my career. I am no longer making excuses for why I haven’t done what I always said I was going to do out of grad school. I want to learn Dutch. I want to be able to get by communicating with her family and I want to intercept conversations and tidbits between her and her mom because just maybe sometimes they may be about me. Last but certainly not least and in fact maybe the most important: I want to make sure that every day I tell her how much she means to me, and just how lucky I feel to be with her. Happy New Years every one. Make 2012 the best yet.

1 month ago

  1. melissabea said: rove rove rove this!
  2. littlelaur said: this is so beautifully written.
  3. petiteoiseau posted this

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